Transitions and how to help children
Transitions are part of life.
How do we help our little people cope?
As adults it is hard when we move house, when a loved one is sick, when we have a change in our health. As an adult though, we can think about the pros and cons of how to help ourselves with next steps. We seek out our friends' counsel, or see a professional for advice. We can think our ways around the changes that are happening. We have found ways of coping with the smaller transitions. Getting up earlier, laying out clothes the night before, having lunch packed. For our children, they don't yet have the capacity to do all of this thinking, - hence why they have us. It does not mean that it is easier for them though.
A child's temperament definitely impacts how they handle change and transitions. Some of our easier going children will cope just fine, they adapt quickly and move into new situations with ease. For our more anxious little ones, or even those of our little people who have that “I can do it” streak in them, they would love all decisions to be made by them. No matter what, it is developmentally normal for children to struggle with change. The part of their brain required to do all the thinking is still being built.
Impediments to change
Tiredness
Sleep is vital to helping children cope with almost everything! I sound like a broken record with this one. We all cope better with the challenges we face when we are well rested. This is especially important when children are facing the many changes before them in a day.
Confusion
Uncertainty about what is required of them, or how they need to do something can paralyse a child. They may continue on with a meaningless task, become preoccupied with their shoes, or even become restless and upset.
Ways we can help
Connection
For a child this smooths the pathway. It lets them know we are right there with them. Through our voice, our eyes, or physical connection with a touch on the head or a rub on the back. The connection helps our children to feel seen and let them know that we are there to assist. We are asking something of them, but we get that it can be tricky.
Preparation
In our busy lives, time is short. Allowing space for children to prepare them for the upcoming change, and the emotions that may bubble up is difficult but can help. By allowing this time, we are offering our children our respect. We place value on what they are doing and that we see them for the people they are. Acknowledging them and the feelings that they have.
Practical ways we can make transitions easier.
Create routines.
Having a rhythm and routine to the day helps our children to anticipate. Even if they don't like the next step, they know it is going to happen and structure can help them adapt and accept.
Keep it simple.
If you are offering a choice, or asking a question, ensure that these are simple and meet your criteria. “Do you want to pack up now?” will likely be met with a resounding no! or a 5 minutes more? Inviting you into the child’s world, depending on what change you are making this may not be helpful.
“It’s time to”… lets the child know that a change is coming. Inviting your child into the process with a “Let’s” can also be more inclusive and help the child to feel like they are part of a team and with your help they can achieve whatever is being asked of them.
Visual cues help.
This could be a timer, it could be a picture chart or routine on the fridge or in the play area. It could be a picture of a tidy space or where the toys go. It could also be a squeaky bath toy that signals it's time for a bath, or a snuggly teddy bear to sleep with. Helping our children with next steps, through a variety of ways keeps things interesting and a bit fun, adding a lightness to the moment and helping them to know that next steps aren't always terrible. Again we are there to help them through the transition, no matter what this brings up for them. Being respectful of them and the task they are consumed with but also letting them know that we have got them, the next part is happening.
Playfulness.
As with our visual cues, playfulness can definitely be incorporated in the way that we speak and how we approach the situation. The end of the day can bring up lots of emotions, tiredness and a want/need for connection may be too overwhelming. Remembering this, can help them through these tough moments. It's time for a bath, should we dance like a ballerina to the bathroom, or should we have a horsey back ride? It invites our kids to have a choice as to how, not if.
Calmness.
Calmness is catching, the calmer we are, can help children to find their calm too. Some days we will get it right, and others it will be tougher and we reset and try again the next day. Be kind to yourself and know that you are trying!
There is one thing that is certain in life, nothing stays the same. The love that we have for our children and the people that they are becoming is a given. Helping them through changes with compassion, and grace will help them to build skills. Bit by bit you may notice that transitions are not quite as hard.
You have got this.