Embrace parenting life lessons

I turn 50 this month!! 

When I was younger, I was information hungry. I wanted to know things. I wanted to have it all together. Then I became a parent!! The laugh was on me. If ever there is a journey to make you question yourself it is parenting. The need to know it all, to not get it wrong, and then those adorable little eyes looking into yours as they make that mess, hit you in the nose, or say something that you truly want to laugh at but shouldn't!

The push and the pull, the washing! The tiredness. The love! So much going on. Alongside of this is the noise, and the mess, and the love, did I mention this bit? Whilst I am away I thought it would be great to think back on what worked for me and let you in on some of the things that worked in our family. 

When I read this list to my sister she thought that it was a big list. My eldest child is 24, so there are a lot of years to reflect on, and each of my children are unique, so different challenges presented themselves along the way. Be kind to yourself and know that we are all a work in progress. We learn things that stick with us, and other things we forget about, they don't work for you and your family. 

Some of these things will resonate and others will not and that is ok. My hope is that some of this information is helpful, that conversations are started, and that perfection is not the goal. Real vulnerable relationships with your most favourite people is something that I am so very grateful for. Turning 50 with my favourite people is not so bad!

Singing and Music

It is so great! It works to release energy, it can be a calming tool, it is fun, it brings joy. My children are all creative, as little people I had no idea of this. They all loved music though and it was a constant in our house. Movie soundtracks, music that their Dad and I loved. There was even a pokemon music phase (definitely not a loved phase by us parents), whatever it is it made us feel good. Now as grown ups, we can all finish words to songs and anything can be met with a disney lyric. It is funny and endearing and other people definitely think we are a bit odd, there is still music playing most of the time

Reading to kids and with kids - encourage love!

I love to read, I love children’s books. As they got bigger we would find chapter books to read together. I think the kids looked forward to this as much as I did. I do remember breathing that sigh of relief when the quiet came at the end of each night, but looking back I remember the snuggles, I remember the questions, I remember the closeness of each of them. Serious goodness. 

Make it fun.  

When one of my kids was having trouble with learning sight words we painted her favourite characters on big bits of paper and added her sight words to it. It was above our kitchen table so eating breakfast and dinner everyone learnt more sight words. We changed the pictures up, it didn't last forever, but it made the learning seem less intense. 

Get outside.

I knew all of the parks in the local area, and the noise is decreased when it is outside. I got good at sitting and getting the kids to make up their own obstacle course so that they would run and I could have 2 minutes. It changes the way a Mum thinks, it changes the way children feel. It's altogether great!

Trust your instincts. 

This can relate to quite a few things. Playdates, other parents, health, safety. If it does not feel right, be curious. What is it that feels off? Investigate and trust what your gut is telling you.

Talk about your family values.

Each and every family has things that are important to them for different reasons. Life circumstances and lessons have influenced each of us in different ways. Our jobs, our family of origin, influence the values that we place importance on. I think that they grow and can change over the years, but some things will stay true. Talking about these things with your kids is great. It helps them to know why they are who they are, it brings about conversations. Children are great at seeking out the truth and asking hard questions. It is great to dive into these things and help lay down great foundations for our kids to build on. 

Listen to your kids. 

Really hear what they are saying. Even when they are telling you things seem irrelevant, latest cars, movie star gossip, who said what. They will keep talking if you keep listening. 

Respect. 

This covers a few things for me. It is not a word that I think I used with the kids. For me it was something that we modelled. We used manners, please and thank you. We said hello when someone entered the house. We had rules in our house - talk nicely to one another, be kind to your siblings (and this included your friends being kind to your siblings). Hard conversations were had when this didn't happen. 

Sleep. 

We all function better with sleep and it was a priority always for us and the children. Regular routines and bedtime helped.  I feel like I talk about this a lot, but it still makes a difference to all of us. 

The Mum voice is a thing!

An undervalued priority in parenting. 

Tone of voice is everything, and my kids could absolutely tell when things were serious. Stepping into your ‘Mummness’ lets your kids know when you mean business. It lets them know that the line has been crossed and that they should absolutely be listening. At the same time, that soft and loving Mum voice cannot be replicated by anyone else. Being a Mum is pretty awesome. 

Parenting has seasons. 

There are times when it is easier than others. Fact. Sometimes the difficult season can go on for a long time. Accept the help if it is offered. Be kind to yourself. Everyone's journey is different, and our seasons dont always align, but each and every parent knows that there are certainly times where you would like to bury your head in the sand and have it all go away. Then the joy and the laughter happen and we feel like we are back on track . 

The mess won't last forever!

I love my tidy house now, and I often wonder if the mess of the past has helped me with keeping a tidier house now. I absolutely prioritised playing with my kids, cooking for them, taking them to the park, and sometimes (as my sister reminded me) we had to forge a path through the lounge room so that you could walk. This absolutely makes me cringe even thinking about it - and telling you all about it, but it is what it is. It happened. I also remember how much you could get cleaned up in 15 minutes if someone happened to be popping in! Oh wow - what a Mum can do in 15 minutes!

Keeping it real this month, I know that you will get through whatever season you are in right now. That the love that you have for your children is the driver for all of your actions. Breathe, drink some water and know that you have got this.