Strong and sturdy parent leaders

Children need strong sturdy parents who are in charge. 

According to Gabor Mate, families should not be a democracy!

Do you agree with this? 

We have grown up with parents who raised us to have a say, where information was key and we had a huge input into how things ran. Discipline and how to parent was being questioned. I think it is still being questioned, and with so much information available it could be easy to throw our hands up in the air and not do anything. 

You are here at The Embrace Village  for a reason though. 

You want to be informed and to raise strong resilient kids who are future leaders. Kids who don't have to question who they are and why they are important. Kids who can manage their emotions and be the best that they can be. 

These children need parents who are in charge. Who know the direction and have their goal in mind. The goal being safe healthy children. 

Developmentally children need to make sure we know what we are doing. They will test, they will tell us we are wrong and that we have no idea. This could be a toddler throwing a tantrum or a four year old asking the same question; ten different ways, or, the school aged child telling us they dont like us! When we remember that we are the leaders of the ship and that it is ok for them to test us, we can respond with kindness, and quite possibly a love filled pause! 

Shouldn't children have choices?

We do want to raise children who have a voice. Who we can hear, and respect.

As imagination becomes part of our children's world, we can use this. When our children ask for the impossible, can we give it to them in an imaginary world? How big would that donut be if you could have donuts for dinner? We are letting our children know that it is OK to want things, but it is not always possible. We guide them with our words to return to the dinner table and choose to eat the food there or not. 

Shaping our families. 

Growing with our children, we may introduce family meetings. Keeping in mind the values that are important to your unique family. What is challenging you? and how do we change it up? What are the expectations? Giving children voices in this setting means that they feel heard, they have a say. Positives and negatives can be discussed in a forum where everyone is heard. 

Even with meetings and each person having a say, family dynamics, tiredness, busyness will get in the way and there will be times that we lose patience, or our children just are not regulated. This is to be expected and once the storm has passed, we can repair and get back on track. 

When children know that parents are in charge, it creates a sense of safety. It means that they don't have to second guess us. To test everything that we say. We provide a sense of calm and a sense of safety. These are vital to a child growing well and in a connected environment. 

Next time your child challenges you. Can you be large and in charge - but still full of love and kindness. What will this look like in your house? How do we make changes so that our children know that we have got them every step of the way.